My cheese doesn’t fit fairly and squarely on the cracker; however, at this point in my life I’m not overly concerned, because when you really get to know anybody on an honest level, it becomes evident that we are all a bit kooky in our own way. As long as you are not Charlie Sheen kooky, you are probably winning on many levels in this crazy world, despite your idiosyncrasies. How boring and dreadfully robotic would life be if we were all perfectly “normal.” Thus, rainbow is my favorite color. That being said, there is no question that finding a healthy, long-lasting romantic relationship can be a very difficult, seemingly impossible undertaking. The key is, finding somebody that you have chemistry with, similar moral beliefs and a person that has quirks that you can live with.
It seems to me that we are set up for failure as little girls when we are introduced to the (in retrospect) ever so annoying, Snow White. Let’s see; Snow White sees a handsome man, ONE TIME and is apparently so smitten that she sings songs about him to the chirping birds while the flowers and bushes sway in co-dependant support of her clearly obsessive, disturbing behavior. Not only did she not even know his name, but couldn’t possibly have been aware of his dysfunctional behaviors that were certain to exist. Snow White eventually stumbles upon a small cottage that turns out to be occupied by seven little dwarves. In order to be loved by them all, she cooks, cleans, washes and yes…sings for them. All of the time.
I do understand the sweetness of fairy tails and realize the purpose of fantasy, but I would certainly have been more inspired by Snow White (and better prepared for real life) if she had said “Hey, sleepy! You mind getting off of your lazy butt and pick up a dish?” Or perhaps, “Grumpy! Seriously? Don’t you think we are all very tired of that rotten little attitude?”
No question, after the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over, the “real deal” is anything but a fairytale. Blending two kooky people for the long-term is a nearly supernatural task that even in the most healthy, natural, relationships, takes hard work. As I always say, the Aliens must be laughing. It is required that two individuals must be on basically the same page about finances, religion, children, careers, household duties, etc. This does not even take into consideration all of the annoying little habits that come with the package. Such as strange chewing, twitching, snoring and compulsive foot tapping.
During the honeymoon phase those habits go unnoticed as they are negated by ‘rose covered’ glasses and ‘raging pheromones’. The first time the pheromones wear off, it can get ugly—fast. Because now, folks, you will discover if this relationship is that of genuine love or lust, or a hopeful attempt at avoidance of being alone. The day that the pheromones wore off between me and Mister Man, it was a beautiful morning as we sat at the kitchen table reading the paper, eating breakfast as we always do. Then it happened. It was a horrific moment. He slurped his coffee. And I mean slurped as it seemed to last for thirty seconds or more. He sat his cup down on the table, gave me a brief smile and continued to read his paper. But I couldn’t help continue observing him and hoped he would not notice the tense look on my face. He picked the cup back up and…sssslllllluuuuurrrrrrpppp. When did he start doing this I wondered to myself in shock? After all, we had been drinking coffee together for months and I had never noticed this incredibly annoying sound before. I started putting on classical music in the mornings which was very helpful. Although that didn’t hide all of the other little “things” that were exposed over the years. The one saving grace is that, of course, I have nothing that ever gets on his nerves; so we do just fine…