By Buffy Lawson, Relationship Veteran
It’s quite a creepy thought, imagining somebody going through your purse and wallet, drawers, computer, and phone. We typically think of this as theft and report such offenses to the authorities. However, ‘snooping’ is quite a common practice in romantic relationships, in which some of the most intelligent, otherwise truly authentic people have regularly participated.
We all have little things that we’ve done that are not at all threatening to anybody, but that we would rather not advertise. The receipts that reveal how much we really spent on that purse, or perhaps how many dunkin’ donuts we actually ate last Thursday. Snooping is a clear violation to the human spirit. Unfortunately, many beautiful snooper friends of mine actually did make a big bust at some point; finding incriminating information that shattered their hearts causing them, of course, to be chronic snoopers. This obviously makes it very difficult to defend my position.
It occurred to me years later that perhaps I was the fool! Had I been too trusting for so many years in my relationships? All because of my desire to give a person privacy? I could be living a horrific lie! The love of my life might be involved with multiple secret lovers right under my nose!
So, I decided to do some investigating one evening when Mister Man was sleeping. I was going to snoop. I tiptoed to his bedside table and carefully unplugged the phone, slipping it into the pocket of my leopard print robe and escaping into the bathroom, locking the door. My heart rate must have been in a cautionary condition because I could visually see it pulsating out of my night gown. I was not only uncomfortable that I was doing the very thing I had always preached against, but also contemplating the possible information I might find. What if my world was about to change forever?
I scrolled down frantically, looking at any suspicious text messages... Work message, work message work message—nothing.
Until BOOM! There it was. My rapid heart rate almost came to a screeching halt and I nearly dropped the phone onto the floor. A text message from “Sophia”.
“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I have missed you so much my dear, and by the way, thank you for the beautiful Lilies. I can’t believe you actually remembered they are my favorite!”
GULP. TEARS. RAGE. HEAD SPINNING LIKE A CRAZED DEMON.
I tried to control the shaking of my hands and paced the bathroom almost feeling as if I would pass out. Shocked beyond belief, now fully understanding why my girlfriends had snooped all these years.
I made myself sit down on the edge of the tub for a few moments and consider how I should handle the situation. SELF—breathe; breathe. Be calm; be classy, and handle this with dignity. Just breathe.
Then I went plunging through the bathroom door—slamming it open like a massive tornado introducing itself to our bedroom. I turned on every light in the house. “WAKE UP!!!!” I screamed multiple times. The poor man woke up from a deep, deep sleep, looking terrified.
“WHAT IS GOING ON! ARE YOU OKAY!” He said through frightened lips and sleepy eyes.
“NO! NO! NO! I AM NOT OKAY!!!
MAYBE WE SHOULD ASK SOPHIA!!!
Mister Man finally came out of his fog and comprehended what was going on.
“Do you love her?” I cried.
“Yes of course; I love her very much!” he replied.
“Is she pretty!” I muttered.
“Beautiful!” he responded.
I wanted to puke.
“Does she know about me?” I sobbed…
“Yes.” he proclaimed.
“Sophia is my great grandmother that you have never met. You know her as Mama Fee Fee.”
TO SNOOP OR NOT TO SNOOP; I suppose it’s a wild card. I’ve seen it go both ways. Honey, if you’re reading this. I chose not to snoop a long time ago.