By Buffy Lawson
Can you imagine looking out the front window and seeing your very intelligent neighbor watering a massive bushel of weeds? Spending time and passion making sure that every one of those unruly, ugly weeds got every drop of water from her watering can? The irony would drip further if the stunning rose garden directly beside her was left wilting,
because there was only enough water for the stragglers.
It doesn’t take a scientist or brain surgeon to evaluate this scenario as profoundly ridiculous, but when it comes to matters of the heart—and in the relationship world—we humans do this very thing over and over again.
Oh, the weeds I have watered; thinking I could somehow fix a person to be what I was looking for. I finally came to the determination after endless buckets of tears that I was going to find myself a rose. I also concluded that I may in fact be the rose… and that I would rather be alone than to try placing a square peg into a round hole. Or in other words, allowing a jerk who didn’t deserve me to have me.
Excuses. Many of us have made excuses or watched our loved ones make painful excuses for dating choices. “Uh, he doesn’t usually get THAT drunk before church.” Or perhaps “Yeah, he just get’s really affectionate with strangers when he is intimidated; sorry mom – he didn’t mean anything by licking your elbow.” It’s not until the relationship ends that we are aware of how utterly ridiculous our forgiving actions were. Our afterthought is of course “WHAT WAS I THINKING!”
Those stupid pheromones in the brain early on keep us from thinking clearly. We must, therefore, learn how to trust our instincts and peers for guidance. Because honestly, drunk before church should be a red flag. Every – single – time.
Even more importantly, I go back to an earlier statement. “I might in fact be the rose.” It wasn’t until I surrendered to society and my own fairy tale imagination that I felt perfectly comfortable being single.
I was finally the cake. And the icing on the cake was when Mister Man came moseying down my garden. As it turned out, he had watered quite a few weeds in his life as well. So he makes it a point to keep beautiful flowers stocked in our kitchen all of the time, as do our kids. Although, I’m pretty sure they might be picking them from the neighbor’s bushes.