By Drew Johnson
This is the time of year that sucks, Big Blue Nation homies. We have no basketball. We have no football. The baseball team came up a little short in regional play. The softball team reached the College World Series but fell just short.
I am bored. When I get bored, things tend to get a little weird. Pretty soon, I’ll start seeing theorems and equations on walls like John Nash in “A Beautiful Mind.” If I don’t have Kentucky sports structure, things tend to get out of hand. My choices are to drink, occupy my neighbor’s bouncy castle they’re using for a birthday party, or clean like an OCD addict on Heisenburg Blue. Frankly, my Occupy Bouncy Castle is the best option, but let’s not go there just yet.
So here are some thoughts I’ve been pondering:
-It’s in Time Warner Cable’s best interest to pick up the SEC Network to avoid Big Blue Nation going nuclear. Should the cable behemoth decide not to pick up the all-new channel, invest in Direct TV. Stocks will be booming.
-There’s no way Coach Cal won’t try and play three seven-footers at the same time. He’ll be like a mad scientist with so much size at his disposal.
-Kentucky will NOT win the national championship.
-See what I did there?
-The next person I hear complain about Mitch Barnhart will receive a ninja chop to the throat from yours truly. The basketball program is at unprecedented levels. The pieces for a football program are (finally?) in place. The baseball team continues to advance into post-season play. The softball team just finished the best year in their history. Kentucky athletic programs are at an all-time level of competitiveness. Thanks, Mitch.
-I’ll miss watching the women’s softball team being loud, having fun, and being weird in the dugout. That was almost more fun than watching them play.
-Karl Town, Jr. wears a size 20 shoe. I think that’s bigger than my arm. That growth spurt you promised me never came, doc. Thanks a lot.
-Much like a lot of you, my football season tickets are now in a different section. It stinks, but if it’s for the greater good of Commonwealth
Stadium, I’ll take one for the team.
-However, I didn’t get my Blue Lot pass. I haven’t cried that hard since Fredo betrayed Michael in “Godfather II”.
-Even if you’re pulling for Drew Barker to be QB 1 in the season opener against UT-Martin, you got to respect the work Patrick Towles is putting in. He didn’t cry. He didn’t whine. He didn’t seek a transfer. Instead, he busted his butt to alter his throwing motion and change his footwork. That’s like learning how to walk again for a quarterback. That’s leadership.
-I also believe Towles will be the starter against UT-Martin. Barker will be right behind him, though.
-Kentucky will have six players 6’9” and taller. Most college programs are lucky to have one. I smell domination in the paint. Stick it, Duke.
-Would I love to see a newly renovated Rupp Arena? Of course I would! It’s a shiny new toy that I can brag about to UK haters!
-Does Kentucky really NEED a newly renovated Rupp Arena? It’s debatable. Both sides have valid points. The most frustrating thing is watching the university and city government argue about it in the press. Go out. Grab a beer together. Hash it out. Be men.
-Tyler Ullis—the freshman point guard from Chicago—will push Andrew Harrison for the starting spot. Mark it down.
-I can’t be the only person that realizes Kentucky has an SEC backfield for the first time since Mark Logan and Mark Higgs ran wild under Jerry Claiborne, right?
-Jo Jo Kemp and Braylon Heard will do A LOT of heavy lifting while the Air Raid offense continues to be installed. Rome wasn’t built in a day, BBN.
-The player I’m most excited to see play this fall? Bud Dupree. The senior defensive end is being mentioned as a possible first round pick. That hasn’t happened since All-American Art Still was drafted that high a couple of centuries ago.
-Yes, I know it wasn’t centuries ago. It just seems that long ago.
-There’s no amount of money I wouldn’t pay to go fishing with Rich Brooks.
-I need more beer.