By Drew Johnson
With Patrick Towles as Kentucky’s starting quarterback. Javess Blue and Ryan Timmons will have breakout years catching his passes. Matt Elam’s nickname will be “Bulldozer” because Bud Dupree says so. Mississippi State fans will continue to wear camouflage-like redneck ninjas. Tennessee fans will continue to suck. I’ll drink too much bourbon at a tailgate. I’ll eat too much barbecue at several tailgates. At some point, all of Big Blue Nation will yell “JUST WAIT UNTIL BASKETBALL SEASON!”, as this is an unspoken Kentucky tradition. AJ Stamps will be a household name. Mark Stoops will frighten referees and small children about a questionable off-sides penalty. The Schedule
UT-Martin | Saturday August 30 | Kentucky 38 UT—Martin 7
The Wildcats open Stoops Season Two with a mild thrashing of the Skyhawks of UT-Martin. I lived in Tennessee for nine years and I was never aware of an indigenous Skyhawk population. Wait, I forgot Tennessee fans love to hunt. Poor Skyhawks.
Ohio | Saturday September 6 | Kentucky 41—Ohio 10
Air Raid 2.0 starts to find its groove and lights up Commonwealth scoreboards like pinball machines. Towles starts to find his rhythm as QB1 and the Wildcats roll. Random fact: I almost went to Ohio University for graduate school, but the potential of a short-lived bartending career was too much to pass up. I make wise career decisions, and by wise, I mean terrible.
Florida | Saturday September 13 | Gators 27—Kentucky 10
It was awesome when Kentucky knocked off Tennessee in 2011 and ended the nation’s longest losing streak. Now the nation’s longest losing streak is Kentucky’s against Florida. The Gators struggled last year, but The Swamp and a stellar defense will be too much for Kentucky’s first road test.
Vanderbilt University | Saturday September 27 | Kentucky 24—Vanderbilt 13
Balance is restored in The Force and the Wildcats win their first SEC game in two seasons. The Commodores lost their head coach, lots of starters from last year’s team, and, well, it’s Vanderbilt. Go back to being Vanderbilt.
South Carolina | Saturday October 4 | The Ol’ Ball Coach 28—Kentucky 20
My man crush on Steve Spurrier apparently knows no bounds. He’s cocky, brash, and right about 95% of the things he discusses. What Spurrier has accomplished in Columbia is nothing short of extraordinary, taking the historically moribund football program to upper tier SEC status. I like the Wildcats to come out fast, but when the horn sounds, the Gamecocks still have more talent over the rebuilding Wildcats. But that talent edge is shrinking quickly.
University of Louisiana-Monroe | Saturday October 11
Kentucky 38—ULM 10
Honestly, this games scares the crap out of me. The Warhawks won six games last season, including an upset of Wake Forest in
Winston-Salem. Plus, the game is smack dab in the middle of South Carolina and the toughest test Kentucky will have this season. OK, I’ll stop being paranoid. It’s ULM. Cats roll.
LSU | Saturday October 18 | Geaux Tigers 38—Kentucky 17
This is the only game I don’t believe Kentucky has a chance of winning. Winning in Baton Rouge is like seeing Bigfoot on a date with a unicorn. It just doesn’t happen. DEFINITELY make the trip, though. It’s a scene unlike any other in the SEC.
Mississippi State | Saturday October 25 | Kentucky 34—Mississippi State 28
Historically, the Wildcats and the Bulldogs are evenly matched. I say our boys pull the upset for SEC win #2. I suggest wearing ear plugs to avoid going deaf by cowbell. MSU just won’t let that annoying tradition die. Or maybe they’re really looking for their lost cattle.
Missouri | Saturday November 1| Missouri 27—Kentucky 23
The 2013 SEC Cinderella won’t be sneaking up on anyone anymore. That said, the Tigers still have more weapons and home field advantage. You’re welcome, Mary Jo Perino.
Georgia | Saturday November 8 | Kentucky 31—Boooo-Dawgs 27
Am I reaching predicting a Kentucky upset? Maybe, but the Wildcats have had their chances to pull the upset in Lexington. By this point, the Air Raid offense should be humming. The Georgia game brings out the best in Commonwealth, as well.
Tennessee | Saturday November 15 | Volunteers 32—Kentucky 20
“They low down. They dirty. They some snitches.” That pretty much sums up the Vols. Butch Jones is stockpiling talent and this will be a must-win for UT in Knoxville.
Louisville | Saturday November 29
Wildcats 35 —Dirty Birds 34
I will always pick Kentucky over Louisville. In anything. I like having a home to spend the holidays at.