RED FLAGS

 

We have been warned and guided by them since the beginning of our dating careers. These relentless little parts of our brains that are referred to as the ever dreaded… ‘red flags.’
These woefully haunting thoughts that lurk around our minds like a wino stalking a liquor store, desperate to yank our giddy little heads right out of those fluffy, happy clouds and plop us directly into reality. Even the most intelligent, logical, successful people trade their well-intended red flags in for a fabulous, palatable, more romantic pair of rose colored glasses.
These magical glasses we wear prevent us from seeing the entire picture and make all flaws and shortcomings invisible.
And who can blame us? Falling in love can feel like such an amazing experience. It is the only time in the relationship that we actually believe we have met a truly perfect person. Because, regardless if it is a temporary situation or forever lasting, the newness of somebody is simply fantastic. Coffee tastes especially amazing, we sing out loud to the radio with the windows down and it is impossible for anybody not to notice the bounce in our walk and annoying, yet charming gleam in our eyes.
This is not a “woman thing” or a “man thing” it’s a “human nature” thing. Take for example the 53-year-old guy who was once a MAJOR hunk, who has recently begun losing his hair and is now sporting a slight round belly. The first time in his life he is realizing that he is no longer a spring chicken. One evening at the annual company party “Randy” showed up hand in hand with “Mandy” a 22-year-old blonde haired bombshell. Now, keep in mind that Randy was a highly conservative very analytical and a well-regarded employee in the company. He was once married to a prominent attorney for nearly 15 years and remained heart broken over the divorce for quite some time.
When the couple walked into the room that evening, Randy’s co-workers nearly gasped out loud. The young woman was wearing a very tight fitting, low cut yellow sundress that complimented her enormous… matching earrings. Her young soft blonde curls must have taken hours to perfectly place and she posed there beside Randy as if she were on the red carpet. She soon made her way to the ladies room to powder her $4,000 nose. While she was gone, Randy found himself chatting with a couple of his buddies from the office. “Wow, I know what you guys are thinking. You think it’s just her looks,” he proclaimed. “I am telling you it has nothing to do with that. I mean Mandy is AMAZING. She’s not just beautiful…I mean that’s obvious how pretty she is…but on top of that she’s…really…really smart. Seriously. She’s perfect!” One of his friends replied…“So you aren’t seeing any red flags here buddy?” “Absolutely not!” Randy replied.
Mandy sashayed back to her date and his co-workers extending her hand for a formal hello. “Hi!” she said in an extreme southern, high pitch tone, “My name is Mandy!” She giggled...“Isn’t Randy the best!!! It’s funny, too; our names an’ all…you know…Mandy, Randy, Mandy, Randy. Get it? They rhyme!!! Must be something in the stars. That’s just such a seriously major coincidence!”
She showed the guys the leopard lining of her new Betsy Johnson purse and all three men remained focused on her accessories as she continued rambling. Randy beamed. She got a phone call and excused herself for a minute. “See, what did I tell you” he said to the guys as if almost ready for a group hug. “Speechless” replied his friends in unison with a kind smile. “Just speechless.”
“The only thing that I’ve been wondering that I’m not too sure about” said Randy, “is that she swears that those ENORMOUS…uuhh, earrings are real. And I just don’t know if I believe her. And if they are, I can’t help wonder if she might be a little bit…awww, never mind. I’m just thinking out loud. Mandy is such a great girl. I can’t let something stupid like that cross my mind. Shhhh, here she comes…Wow, she really is perfect.”
Moral of the story: When one buys a pair of rose colored glasses, the fine print inscribed says: CAUTION: “THESE ROSE COLORED GLASSES WILL WEAR OFF VERY, VERY SOON. WHEN THIS HAPPENS YOU WILL NEED TO REFER TO YOUR RED FLAGS.”


Buffy Lawson
Relationship Veteran


Posted on 2014-02-06 by
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