By Buffy Lawson
Long, dramatic pause… GULP. “Well, do they?” So… what is he supposed to say… “No, your butt makes your butt look big.” Or should he lie like a Persian rug on your Grandmama’s floor and say… “Of course not honey!” I, for one, never ask this question anymore. Of course my butt looks big, or I wouldn’t have to get a second opinion. My eyeballs work as well as Mister Man’s and my mirror is equally as accurate as both sets of eyeballs.
Unfortunately, few things can be said that will make you feel better when you already know the cold hard truth. You just can’t twist the tail on something like this. Obviously answer #1 isn’t gonna cut it – “Your butt makes your butt look big.” And to try to soften the blow isn’t much better with answer #2 – “Uh, it doesn’t look THAT big, I mean I’ve seen bigger?”….or “Answer #3 – “Um, is this a trick question?”
Such questions are designed by the human brain to distract from the actual issue. Because nothing he can say is going to make you feel better, and you both know it. As a matter of fact, you’ll likely find yourself down right insulted by the answer, thus giving an opportunity to be irritated about something different than the fact that you are not pleased with the current status of your rear end. Pretty clever, actually!
I don’t entirely disagree or judge the situation, though. It can actually be considered a form of sweetness between two people; showing affectionate vulnerability, and requiring either a level of brutal honesty or unconditional support. Depending on the response given…
Yesterday morning, Mister Man was in the shower and I was at my vanity putting on makeup. We chatted back and forth about the events of our day when out of the blue he said. “Hey Buf, I forgot to tell you… Macy’s has really cool blue jeans on sale! You outta go get yourself a pair!” GULP… I bit my tongue resisting the urge not to blurt out “Hey!!! Are you saying that my blue jeans make my butt look big?” But I didn’t utter a peep.
He proceeded to step out of the shower and disappeared into the closet to get dressed. When he came out, he looked at himself in the mirror and then at me and said, “Hey honey, does this shirt makes me look fat?”